smokescreen
and thus concludes another mind-boggling conversation with Jouie. in our pathetic attempt to make sense of the world, we normally spend a great deal of time dissecting crazy thoughts, only to end up getting more confused than ever. hahaha… but anyway the conversation we had was pretty interesting. to me anyway. articulating what bits and pieces you have in the deep crevices of your head is supposed to help clear all the annoying confusion you may have in there. for some weird reasons, though, we usually just end up asking even more questions at the end of what’s supposed to be an elightening exchange of wits.
smokescreen.
it sure is comforting to know that people cannot read our thoughts so that no matter how insinuating our actions may be, one just has to hesitate before jumping to conclusions. ego has its part, too, and that fear of rejection that forces us to really think for a long time before doing something or asking something that may end up to be humiliating or truly damaging. and so we end up cracking jokes, or something subtle, hoping to drive the nail without cracking the wood.
jokes.
they’re supposed to be half meant. whatever happened to “nothing ventured, nothing gained?” well, that paralyzing fear of receiving an unanticipated response, an unpleasant reaction, or mere nonchalance simply gets in the way of that. so if someone says “i love you” and laughs, then it’s only gonna be just that, just some joke until serious confirmation is spelled out. and until that affirmation is sent across, one or both persons will stay up late wondering if it meant something or if it was just some joke and nothing more. so what can one make out of a really dull statement dripping with romantic overtones? NOTHING. it thus becomes easier for one to just look to the heavens for answers rather than asking for concrete answers from the person involved. it’s agonizing! and the laughter from that half meant joke dies when realization steps in, and realizations usually come in too late. and the regret that goes along with it becomes that unanticipated punchline.
depensa.
for our own sakes, we walk in smokescreens. but when everybody does that, then it’s kind of hard to decipher things. we wear masks, and so does everybody. wouldn’t it be more convenient if we took them off and just be ourselves? then again, it’s so much easier said than done. so we end up doing something else, out of defense mechanism, not realizing that we could just be digging our own graves by doing that, by playing too safe. our defenses don’t catalyze the fulfillment of something that could have been monumental; rather it ends up ruining these moments even before they could start. i wish we didn’t have to walk on thin ice all the time.
smokescreens give us a false sense of security. bullets still can get through its dense haze.
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