rough drafts

not every woman wants a battle to fight, but every woman years to be fought for…she wants to be more than noticed - she wants to be wanted. she wants to be pursued. every woman also wants an adventure to share… a woman doesn’t want to be the adventure; she wants to be caught up into something greater than herself. every woman wants to have a beauty to unveil. not to conjure but to unveil. most women feel the pressure to be beautiful from very young, but that is not what i speak of. there is also a deep desire to be simply and truly be the beauty, and be delighted in… who will fight for me? who will be my hero? who will call me beautiful?

i bought this interesting book from MV Doulos, the floating library that’s sadly gonna retire this 2010. nothing in the boat’s exterior and design speaks of it’s age (it’s 2 years senior than the Titanic) . i was half expecting something antique so that when you entered you’d feel like you were in some strange yet beautiful time capsule or something. (their homemade choclit chip cookies were just fabulous by the way!)

anyway, i found this book "Am i beautiful?" and immediately grabbed it and gave it to my sister (i forgot to take note of the author, pardon me but it’s a religious book that speaks a lot about women’s issues and stuff). not to say my sister is insecure. it’s just that a lot of women are faced with that question whether they’d like to admit it or not. the prom queen. the notorious bee ay tee see eych. the atrocious nerd. the superwoman. and the media and society have both had no trouble trampling on such insecurity to instill that need to pass some substandard established by… who established these norms again? remind me please.

it’s just sad that people go to all ends to look beautiful. to feel beautiful, more importantly. i came across this discussion online about surgery and it was really interesting that i found myself responding to the threads more than i’d have wanted to. some swans have testified that surgery changed their lives. some people, myself included, still go for the traditional "inner beauty that emanates". which is so…Shisiedo. hehehe. but whatever. i guess it’s on a case to case basis. i guess even if we’ve reached new heights over time, we’d still feel something tick when we see our Prom Queen. Picky actually pointed that out to me and i’d have to agree. so there’s nothing wrong with picking out a killer outfit for your high school reunion. but even prom queens have this question running in their minds,right? (at least the author says so). i guess even Christina, TLC, Sugababes who’ve sung these songs about beauty have come across asking themselves this question too, right?

the book made a point about kids fantasizing about being some Cinderella at some point in their lives. being that pushover-girl-in-drags that turns into a pretty maiden and dances the night away with her prince charming. i don’t want a prince charming. i realized that now. i want someone real. i want the prince’s dishwasher (watch HAPPILY NEVER AFTER so you’ll understand what i’m saying). and i don’t wanna have to turn into some pretty princess to turn my prince’s head around. i just wanna be real and i want him to be able to see me in drags and still feel the same way. coz then he’ll want everything that i’ll have to give - both good and bad. coz he’ll only deserve my best if he’s able to handle my worst.

~ by armednfabulous on February 14, 2007.