rough drafts

don’t expect anything sappy… cheesy… impossible from me this christmas. it won’t change a person. i still love the people i love, still hate the people i hate.

this christmas is just about letting go and letting in… letting love… letting life…

for a year and past a half i’ve been thru good times and bad… and hell’s been tough. tougher than i ever thought. but you end up realizing how blessed you are to have real friends and family to back you up thru it all. you end up losing some but then please realize that through it all, you also won some. you lose a part of yourself. and then later on you end up gaining more than you’ve ever asked for. you lose yourself. you give it to other people. and that part of you is something you may not be able to get back. but i realized that we shouldn’t dwell on the loss. coz while we were busy losing a part of us, we failed to notice how the other person has also touched our lives with his/her time and patience. and during that time, there was an exchange somewhere. a connection. friendship. love? something profound. something that made you stick to these special idiots… er people. it’s always easy to let go. to let your guards up. but after a year and a few months i realized that playing it safe isn’t really gonna get us anywhere.

in a swirl of black and confusion, there’ll always be that silver cord that binds you and the people you love. and love will be that safe anchor that stops you from being swept away in the wrong direction. and when you feel all worthless, just look for that binding force. i did. and i started to realize and be humbled and amazed about this single force that moves us all. in that horrifying moment when i almost lost it, i found something so pure, so divine. it’s something words can’t explain. i wouldn’t have traded that moment for anything. meeting the wrong kind to realize the beauty of it all is definitely worth it.

we go thru hurts. it may be unbearable at times, at times though it’s just tolerable (although it gets the better of us a lot of times coz it sure sucks as hell). but it’s just all in a day’s work. we change. and i don’t think anyone should actually stop us from evolving. i’ve always thought life should be spent living… and reincarnation is about evolving… to realize and finally become who you really are. and it takes lifetimes to achieve that. now, with everything that’s happened, i’m firm in my resolve to put theory into practice… see, it’s always been easy to articulate mediocre thoughts to seemingly deep theories about life. practice ends all that idealism as we begin to admit that maybe we may have set our bars too high. what the heck! shit happens, as forrest gump once put it… but we just gotta keep running until we find that reason to stop. running not away from our problems. rather running towards the foreseen end of our search.

***  carlo… sugod na sad ko blog balik…wahehehe

~ by armednfabulous on December 19, 2006.